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Moments in the Midlands

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Lessons in Life ~ Living in the Moment

Lessons in Life ~ Living in the Moment
Life in the KZN Midlands – part 1 – Losing friends

“What day is it?”
It’s today,” squeaked Piglet.
My favorite day,” said Pooh.”

This isn’t such an easy post to write.  The words have been mulling around in my head for a long time but nothing cohesive seemed to be happening.

I also first started writing it months ago but couldn’t decide on the right time to publish.   I was going to publish on my birthday for reasons below but when the time came it didn’t feel right.  Its about Nai.  Not about me.  So now – on Naomi (in the Sun) – angel-sistah and Rowena  ( in the Rain)- earth sistah – on your birthdays – I post this with you gals weighing both heavily and lightly on my heart.

A lot like the weather in these parts, my experiences here in the KZN Midlands have been quite extreme.  Simple emotions like happiness and sadness are extreme.  Situations present themselves, good and bad, and sometimes its hard to understand how to deal with them.

I made a good friend, then I lost her.  I don’t know why.  She just moved on.  Then I made a new friend.  Without me knowing it, she crept into my life and my heart and then I lost her too.  Really lost her!  She had a terrible car accident on the 11th October 2014.  I visited her in High Care at the Martizburg Medi-clinic 3 times before they finally switched off the life support.  As much as I remember my beautiful friend in life, I will never be able to erase the images of her on that bed.

My husband said I shouldn’t let it consume me.  I know what he meant and I tried so hard not to let it.  Not so easy when you pass the scene of the accident almost every day of your life.  When you drop your kids at school and wonder what her 3 are feeling, how they’re copying without their mom.  When you know she has a twin in Australia who looks and sounds just like her and feels as though she has lost a part of herself.  Trying to understand such loss is monumental.  I have a sister, she’s not my twin but we’re as close as we could be without being twins.  I don’t know if I’d want to be around without her.

But life has to go on of course. So to Naomi Mathieson Bates – thank you for coming into my life.  For caring and for being there for me.  You will always be a beautiful memory and I long for a sign that you are still there, watching over, smiling that wonderful scrunched-up-eye smile of yours.  Thank you for the times you called to see if I was OK, like when we had the riots in Rosetta and for letting us stay at your place when I was too scared to be at home.  Thank you for the days we spent on the verandah, laughing at ourselves and solving the worlds problems.  Or at the very least – trying to solve our own. I will never forget trekking down to Gateway Mall near Umhlanga on a whim and you making me spend money I didn’t have at Country Road and Lorna Jane.  Sharing sushi and edamame beans at Cape Town Fish Market.  Such a Princess – with a capital ‘P’.  I will never forget the day you invited us to play tennis at Fordoun.  Only racquets you could find were out the arc, wooden and warped.  So while the boys (JC, Callum and Luke) attempted to play tennis we sipped G&T’s on the side-lines.   I’ll never forget you insisting that we go as twins to Belinda’s 40th back-to-school party.  Me getting white shirts from Pep and you getting us Michaelhouse ties from Rich.  Then there was my birthday last year – May 2014.  Totally arbitrary birthday so I wasn’t going to do anything.  Naomi decided to send out a whatsapp to all the people she thought i’d like, telling them it was my 40th (it so wasn’t) and that we were having a party at the Rosetta Hotel.  What fun!  Hilariously enough, people were conned into thinking it actually was my 40th so I got some really nice pressies :-),  That was a ledge move Nai.   I’ll never forget staying over and eating biltong late one night after a sesh at The Rosetta and I’ll never forget seeing you cry in the car park at school.  Telling you to stop it and be thankful for what you had whilst knowing that what you wanted was almost impossible to have.

Nai who always thought she was unloved.  “Smoked out” was her expression sometimes.   Who wanted someone to adore her but when they did wondered why.  Such a free spirit in so many ways but so bound by her own hesitations.  She would have been completely blown away by the number of people who came to her memorial at Fordoun.  By the number of people who truly love her and miss her.

Thank you for letting me into your life and trusting me with your secrets.  Naomi in the Sun.  Nai, my soul-sistah!!  Forever in my heart.  I will always miss you. xxxxxx  And to Rowena in the Rain 🙂 – so like your sissie and yet so different.  Keep the side strong my friend.  Always!!



This brings me to another lesson learned.  Its an old one.  But its been cruelly reinforced.

“If there’s one thing I learned, it’s that nobody is here forever. You have to live for the moment, each and every day . . . the here, the now.” 
― Simone ElkelesPerfect Chemistry


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